Just for once..

I wish that I could be angry, sullen and vicious.
Right back at you.
Maybe a dose of your own medicine would help.
Or add fuel to the fire.

Then I glance out the window.
I can't help but smile.
What is there to get downtrodden over?
My life is easy, in relative terms.

"She always has a smile on her face"
Someone said this about me today, I happened to overhear.
Positive reflection, I think.

I think I have rage flare ups.
I get mad for two seconds but before you know it, my mind has wandered to the better things.
I'm glad it does this by it's own accord.
I'm glad I don't have to think too hard in order to find the positive medium.

Striking a balance.
Maybe it all means something.
I would love to believe that every action has specific purpose to the bigger, infinite picture.
I would love to believe that I have purpose too.

I am, overall, at a good place.
In truth, perhaps for the very first time.

twotimingtouch,andbrokenbones.

Painful words, little one.
You don't know how much they sear and scathe.
But it's okay.
I am here for you.
Silently.

I'm scared of you.

I'm scared of myself, sometimes, too.

Everyone thinks I'm so fucking "different".
Maybe I am.
Maybe I want it that way.

There is no denying it is a conscious effort.
I choose not your path because of things I've seen, because of the unknown, because I just don't need your bottled happiness.
Yet you stand there and tell me I'm not a true friend and I disappoint you?
All because the next day I can function and remember everything I've done?

Excuse me.
Call me when you've grown up a bit and realize there is so much bigger shit in the world.
Your chasing a fake world with that slurred voice and bleary-eyed stare.
You
Have
No
Idea.

I liked you better when you weren't a mess all over the bathroom floor.
I liked you better when we had fun without substance abuse.
I liked you, at one point or another.
But now I'm not so sure I do.

i am awake again, at three am.

this is just the the science of sleep, but i feel weak in heart and beat.

tell me why.

watch out cupid, mommy is a sick muse.

you're a bad choice.

oh well.
we all deserve some big mistakes.

tv on the radio?

"the sky was the colour of television, tuned to a dead channel"

i want to be the colour of inanimate objects.
paint me with all the radio waves, telephone chords, ipod playlists and laptop keys you can find lying haphazardly around.
transmission of personality.
application has failed.
please,
reinstall and try again.

i am toxic to your health.
consult your physician
or
stay on the line.
we will be with your shortly.

i am going to act up again.
contact your local service provider.
then wait impatiently as the elevator music sets in again.

unfortunately,
i cannot sync.
memory is 1.2 GB too full.
...oh, well, fuck.

delete, delete, delete.

i am destroyer.
disintegrate back into the ground as the new technology flaunts and flirts.
error has occurred.
error has...
error.
ERROR.

weight of the world.

i would trade a thousand friends for just your company tonight.

good riddance friday.
thirty one minutes and you're outta my life until you come around again next week.
you're unwanted, sometimes.

i am lonely.
perfectly, wonderfully lonely.

i wonder if you can be both content, consistent and alone.

i never thought this was possible.
until now.
until unwillingness forced me into it and rethink everything i've (n)ever thought.

i am starting to realize that the masked self isn't really worth it anymore.
so, in an attempt to be completely original, i hereby vow to be nothing but myself.

the geek, the girl, the smile, the laugh, the song, the eyes, the words.
everything.
everything will consist of only truth and full realities.

i can only give you what i've got of me and hopefully, someday, it will be enough.

robbed.

clouded head and that one am feeling.

i want the cancer to disintegrate.

i don't know you.
but i know you don't deserve this.

i wish i knew him better.
i wish i knew how to comfort him.
i wish you were okay because then he would be okay too.

mirror images, on a dirty glass.
self-reflection of sorts.
i care too much.
i want to cry, all the time, about stupid things i can't control.

young girl, full of the world.
someday, you will be awake.
i am just so, so sorry.