Just prayed to a god I don't believe in.

My faith is questionable, at best.
You tried to make sense of things that just could not fit together.
What you said was too heavy for me to bear.
I wield your strength and sunshine everyday, forever.
But this has got to be too much.
You're giving me nothing in return for self-sacrifice.
How can I call you out when you are hardly here?
When everything I want is already near?
Is this any room for a higher power?
Not in this unwavering hour.
I believe in nothing. I believe only that everything will fail me.
What once was a solid foundation crumbled under the weight of sin.
You are the purity of light in a room without electricity.
I am not worthy of you yet you let me in.
Eternally grateful is on the tip of my tongue,
Like verses spilled from an open book of ruled reflection.
My mind wanders with every word.
Your call that day, I barely heard.
I am the antithesis.
I am the unrest in your throat.
I am everything you want to turn away from.
I know you can't resist this and frankly, neither can I.
This was never supposed to happen, but here we are.
Maybe tomorrow it won't seem so hard.

"I LOVE YOU, OKAY?!"

On a simple cold September day.
I saw you there, from worlds away.
Static eyes and shades of gray.
And all I wanted was for you to stay.
But your heart looked tired and so did you.
Don't ask me why or how I knew.
I hoped that you would make it through.
With a smile so big you'd blind a room.
So I gathered all my confidence.
Though I admit I was hesitant.
And called out with abandonment.
Perhaps a little advisement?
You stopped to stare at that silly girl.
Shining shoes and mess of curls.
Whose only goal was to change your world.
That smile was something I had to see.
So I made you laugh quite purposely.
I knew the moment was sort of "meant to be"
Not quite together but not quite free.
We talked for hours, days and weeks.
You were perfect, calm, unique.
So embarrassed that my knees felt weak.
When all you had to do was speak.
I swear, I couldn't love you more.
And now you show up at my door.
Swearing that I made you sore.
Sick in heart, head, mouth and core.
You are everything I dreamed you'd be.
Now you're standing next to me.
And I've never felt such ecstasy
Then when your hands move so erratically.
Your skin is touching mine again.
And I think your heart is on the mend.
What started out with "we're just friends"
Is better than every happy end.

Dreams In The Silent Street.

I want to see my name, illuminated.
I will carve it out of dirt, tears, sweat and rejection until the fateful moment I have on repeat in my mind is no longer transparent.
I want the climb to the top to come slowly and painfully so I appreciate every second I have in the limelight.
I want the headrush from screams so loud most people would cry out.
I want to feel the burn of stage lights while I watch thousands of faceless people sing.
I want to be next to you while you experience this life.
I don't want to be this, anymore.
I want to be you.

It's silent. The calm before the storm. My body aches in a way that should be painful but somehow reminds me of all the work I've done to make this happen. You thought I would crumble in defeat? This was never your game. I had the vision, drive, determination to come from nothing. You said I was a dreamer. I said you were right but what you didn't know was what was going on underneath the surface. Gears turned in perfect sync with your lips. I was watching, observing. I learned the tricks faster than you turned out sadistic one liners. To them, you were perfection. I admit, I felt the electricity but the drive overruled the heart pounding rhythms against my chest. You were everything. It's my time, now. In some stupid way, I think this could all work out and we'd have it all ; house in the suburbs, jet-set lifestyle, the works. I've dreamed about it so often I can visualize it with my eyes wide open. Is is pathetic to know I want something so badly I can't ever touch? My logic is in a life long battle with my longing and it's so hard to tell whose winning. I'm rational, I get it...but I want so badly to forget the world and find a way to get to you. Perhaps I'm delusion or perhaps we're all wired this way : I don't think I'll ever know the answers. But as long as you're singing, I'm dreaming. And as long as I'm dreaming, you're the star of them. I need the day to come when the magic evaporates and all that's left is you. The real you, with flaws and messy hair and tired eyes. I'll take it all, yes even those imperfections, if you'd just let me. We could be perfect but we'll never reach that stage. Not unless I commit to every bone in my body that's screaming silently as I work through these days. I know what I want, the uncertainty lies in how to achieve it all. So I'm going to work harder at this (you) than anything else before. Slowly, at first, but determined. It starts with me and ends with you. Don't worry baby, you'll know my name before too long. Until then, continue being the boy behind my eyelids as I sleep.

High road.

The road to redemption lies on a path of dirt and tears.
Forge ahead to the light shimmers clouding your eyes.
The dust burns holes into your skin.
You can do this.
It is coming.
It is the rapture baby.
You will be free.
You will be everything, again.

They'll know your name.
Oh, how hushed lips do speak of scorn and sorrow.
I hope the words make them cry out.
It will be worth it.
You won't have suffered in vain.

And, to me you are perfect.
I need nothing else besides this and us.
Alone in the world, a set of misfits heading toward an unending realm of possibilities.
This is the rapture baby.
And all I need is you.

I'd follow you.

Until my feet were black and blue.
Until the soles of my shoes were all worn through.
Until the sun is gone with the sparkling moon.

It's just too bad that you're a million miles away and I'm sinking.
On the edge of the end.
Your brown eyes caused the world to spin.
My head was the secret but I won't let you in.
Hopelessly hopeless.
Come back to me, please?
Actually, don't bother with coming back.
Just forget we happened and start all over.
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
I am kind of, sort of, maybe, totally in love with you.