Just prayed to a god I don't believe in.

My faith is questionable, at best.
You tried to make sense of things that just could not fit together.
What you said was too heavy for me to bear.
I wield your strength and sunshine everyday, forever.
But this has got to be too much.
You're giving me nothing in return for self-sacrifice.
How can I call you out when you are hardly here?
When everything I want is already near?
Is this any room for a higher power?
Not in this unwavering hour.
I believe in nothing. I believe only that everything will fail me.
What once was a solid foundation crumbled under the weight of sin.
You are the purity of light in a room without electricity.
I am not worthy of you yet you let me in.
Eternally grateful is on the tip of my tongue,
Like verses spilled from an open book of ruled reflection.
My mind wanders with every word.
Your call that day, I barely heard.
I am the antithesis.
I am the unrest in your throat.
I am everything you want to turn away from.
I know you can't resist this and frankly, neither can I.
This was never supposed to happen, but here we are.
Maybe tomorrow it won't seem so hard.